So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
