I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
