Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
