I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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