I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm getting married
To pizza
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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