last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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