was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
