thus making me awesome and them whores
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
