my vag is so smooth its legendary
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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