My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
