So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
