I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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