Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
