you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
