Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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