i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
