my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
