Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
