yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
