I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
