So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
