I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I didn't notice because vodka
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
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