we're chasing vodka with high fives
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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