he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
