are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
