You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
