So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
