why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
