two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
