Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
