Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
