no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
