Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
