I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
