when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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