Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
