hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
