Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He called his prostate his "boner button".
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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