So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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