I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
