I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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