batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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