Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
