That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
