So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
