My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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