i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
