we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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