The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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