fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
