i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
