I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize