I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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