Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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