guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Randomize
