apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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