should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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