O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
