I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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