so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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