If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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