She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
