How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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