One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
