What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
she pinky promised me she was 18
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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