i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
