He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
