If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize