I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
