how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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