So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
