Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
