tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
